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How to help a loved one dealing with depression

The Indianapolis Recorder - 12/24/2016

According to Mental Health America, adult African-Americans are 20 percent more likely to report serious psychological distress than adult whites. However, many African-Americans are not as open as whites to acknowledging psychological problems.

Indya Peoples has dealt with mental health issues firsthand in her personal and professional life. Throughout adolescence and early adulthood, she battled with depression and suicidal thoughts. Today, she has a Master of Social Work and works as a homebased therapist.

"I really struggled with depression up until early adulthood. I called them 'episodes,' because I didn't have a name for it," she said. "I didn't know why I was in bed and couldn't get up. I had plans of suicide, but I wanted to wait until my kids were old enough. My saving grace was that my kids were more important to me."

As a mental health professional, Peoples has observed a difference in the way AfricanAmericans cope with depression and has theories on why mental health disparities exist among different races.

"I encounter caucasian people who will tell you about their marriage and kids, and you don't even know their last name. (African-Americans) are more private and only open ourselves up to our inner circle," she said. "There are things we struggle with that are very different than what European Americans struggle with or even have to think about on a daily basis."

According to Mental Health America, some common symptoms that are often experienced with depression include a persistent feeling of sadness, anxiety, emptiness, loss of pleasure and interest in activities once enjoyed, sleeping too much or too little, reduced or increased appetite, fatigue, irritability and thoughts of suicide. For many people with depression, symptoms are severe enough for friends and family to notice a change in behavior at work or school. Depressed people will often opt out of social activities and relationships with others.

If you are a part of a person's support system and feel a loved one might be depressed, it's important to know the correct way to approach the situation. Peoples recalled a time she was at the end of her rope and reached out to a loved one with less than desirable results.

"I wrote a letter that said I was in terrible, terrible sadness. I poured my heart out, and she never responded. When I saw her I said, 'Hey, did you get my letter?' She made this face and was very dismissive. She did not want to hear it. These types of responses reinforce a person's thoughts of being alone and having no one."

The right way to respond to a person dealing with depression may be a bit more complex than trying to make a person feel better. Peoples said supporting a person with depression is partially about giving them a safe space to experience and share emotions.

"One thing that made me even more upset when I was depressed was the people who would try to make me feel better in that moment. It was like they needed me to get better right now. We say, 'Hi, how are you doing?' and people automatically say 'I'm fine, good,' because negative emotions make people uncomfortable. It's important to give people permission to not feel OK."

Peoples says that after establishing that a person needs help, that person needs to find the right group of people to help them through.

"If they recognize they are depressed, they may try and seek comfort from their natural support system. This is a good first step, as you have to have the right people on your team to get through things. If they are at a point of change and want to seek help with a professional, the next step is deciding what type of therapy you want and seeing what a per son's health insurance will cover."

Treatments for depression include support groups, psychotherapy, peer support and medication. Peoples thinks it is important for people with depression to reach out to trained professionals.

"We generally attribute our emotions to what is externally going on, but everything really starts in the mind. Your perception of what's going on can be very different from another person's. It's so important to have strong positive support and connect with someone who can help process your thoughts. Sometimes saying them out loud to somebody else can help. You can be completely overwhelmed, but someone else can give you insight. Never let your emotions cloud your abilities."

Mayo Clinic's tips on supporting loved ones dealing with depression

People with depression may not recognize or acknowledge that they're depressed. They may not be aware of signs and symptoms of depression, so they may think their feelings are normal.

All too often, people feel ashamed about their depression and mistakenly believe they should be able to overcome it with willpower alone. But depression seldom gets better without treatment and may get worse. With the right treatment approach, the person you care about can get better.

Here's what you can do to help:

? Talk to the person about what you've noticed and why you're concerned.

? Explain that depression is a medical condition, not a personal flaw or weakness - and that it usually gets better with treatment.

? Suggest seeking help from a professional - a medical doctor or a mental health provider, such as a licensed counselor or psychologist.

? Offer to help prepare a list of questions to discuss in an initial appointment with a doctor or mental health provider.

? Express your willingness to help by setting up appointments, going along to them and attending family therapy sessions.

If your loved one's illness is severe or potentially life-threatening, contact a doctor, a hospital or emergency medical services.