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Louise Palanker: Understanding Mental Illness, Internet Relationships, Driving Dilemma

Noozhawk - 9/11/2016

Question from Charley

Why do some people think that people with mental disorders are freaks or possessed?

Weezy

We humans tend to fear what we do not understand. A mental disorder may affect behavior, and some people will make unfair assumptions that are based on too little information.

When you see a broken arm or a sniffly nose, you are able to more accurately conclude the nature of the affliction. A mental illness involves the mind, and uninformed people will often conclude that since THEY have been able to power through uncomfortable thoughts, everyone should have a similar strength of character.

You and I know that mental illness has nothing to do with character. In your lifetime, you can help educate others about this.

In addition, kids react harshly to anyone who is remotely different so as to deflect attention from their own insecurities. Truthfully, we all have something. We all have many imperfections. So, don't allow anyone to make you feel small based on a difference they have detected in you.

If you struggle with a mental issue, I believe that this makes you brave and heroic. If you have sought help for that disorder, that makes you wise. As you continue to grow and learn, be a teacher. Help others understand so that the next time they meet someone who is a little bit different, they will find it easier to be kind.

In this , Jake Morgan and Neal Walia explain more about helping others understand mental illness:

( video)

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Question from Samantha

I have been talking to this guy and things have been getting serious, but then he posted a picture on his asking for someone to hit him up because he is down to talk. Then all these girls started commenting and talking with him.

I mentioned to him that I didn't like it and he apologized about it and I apologized for mentioning it, but things just haven't been the same since then. He told me the other night that he didn't like how we talked about what he had posted, and that it reminded him of his last relationship with his ex.

I don't know what I should do. I've asked him if he wants to talk on the phone and he doesn't respond to my texts. I really don't know what to do. When we text it's not the same anymore. I just really need advice on what I should say. Thanks.

Weezy

It sounds like you do not know this guy in real life. When you share an online-only relationship with someone it fills an emotional need - but only to a point. It may feel like enough for you right now but it's like pouring love into a bucket with a hole in it. The bucket fills up for a moment and then the love slips out the other side.

One day the person is "bored," and so he shouts into the void, "Send me more love!"

It sounds like this guy would like to maintain a loose attachment with you as long as he's also free to continue scavenging the Internet for seeds and berries of more love and attention. His bucket may have a really sizable hole. If you are not enough for him, then this is not the right relationship for you.

He's not ready to commit to you and he is very representative of what you will find when you look for love online. You don't know who you have really found or if your needs are compatible with his. You know why you reached out. You don't really know much about the other person's agenda. So, be very careful. Until you are over the age of 18, the Internet is not where you should be looking for romance.

A cautionary rap tale from :

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Question from Nicole

So I've been working since I was 14 and have saved every penny of my paychecks. I am 16 now and I have $7,000 in the bank. My goal is to save $20,000 by the time I graduate high school.

But my dad bought me this car. I was supposed to take drivers training but I don't want to. I'm super scared and just can't see myself driving yet. I know I will have to eventually drive but I don't want to pay for car insurance now. I'm in no rush to drive. I don't feel ready to drive alone this year anyway.

My dad just found out that I don't want to drive until next year and he is furious. I understand that he's worked hard to pay for this car, and I respect that. I just don't understand why I have to drive before I feel ready.

He told me I'm being selfish. He doesn't believe in saving money, but I just feel that my hard-earned money could be used on something better in the future. I don't mind paying for my own car when I'm older. I just don't want my Dad mad at me. Growing up sucks.

Weezy

Yes. Growing up is kick in the butt ... but it is unavoidable. Give a lot of thought to potential battles and choose them wisely. When things are calmer, come to the table with your dad and present a compromise proposal.

To me it sounds like he jumped the gun in buying you a car before you know how to drive. He could be a little more sensitive to who YOU are and what matters to you. For a lot of kids, receiving a car would be quite thrilling (probably for him it would have been). For you, not so much. I think he was doing this for the teenager inside of himself.

Explore what may be motivating your dad's behavior? Does he want you to be more independent and start doing errands for the household? Does he really want you to know how to drive? Or is he just excited about getting you a car? What is driving him? (no need to pardon that pun. It's horrible.)

When you are in the middle of a dispute, it's a great idea to turn down your own anger enough to figure out what the other person wants. That's how you can find common ground.

Ask your father nonconfrontational questions. Learn his motives. Then tell him yours. Find where you can meet in the middle. Make the point that a 16 year old who does not want a car will not be safe in a car.

Present this as an option: You WILL learn how to drive. You WILL get your license. Then you will talk about whether you want to take on the responsibility of car ownership.

A lot of kids today are opting out of driving because so many of their social needs are being met at home, online. Before the Internet, we got our licenses so that we could more easily be with our friends and have some fun and independence.

Today, kids can be very well entertained in their own rooms. There is a lot to do! And so, more and more teenagers are putting off driving. They are -ing and waiting for that driverless car, which may be coming but a license will be required to operate one. In any foreseeable future, you will need to grab the wheel if something goes wrong.

So, yes, I believe that you need to learn how to drive. Offer him that. And take things from there.

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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

- is a co-founder of , the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called , a comedian, a filmmaker ( her documentary, ), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and called , built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the . . The opinions expressed are her own.