Commentary: Be willing to talk about mental illness

I remember sitting in the lounge of the Stearns County Crisis Center, watching TV with another woman who had bipolar disorder.

A vibrant, witty person in her early 50s, "Liz" and I got into a conversation about what had brought us to that place. Liz soon related to me how her oldest daughter did not understand or accept her illness. Instead of providing the support and concern Liz needed, her daughter yelled at and criticized Liz for being "lazy" and not "getting a job" and "snapping out of it."

Like Liz's daughter, there are many inappropriate things that people say directly to or about someone with a mental illness. Some of these can include:

Just think happy thoughts.Get up and do something.I understand how you feel.Everyone is "sad" now and then ? what's the big deal?It's all in your head.You're too sensitive.Don't feel that way.

I know people often say things like this out of ignorance and perhaps even a true desire to "help." I have heard all of these, in some form or another, over the past few decades. I once had someone tell me that the cause of my depression -- which, he also said, was a sin -- was my lack of faith in God. Some people have an infuriating way of "blaming" the ill person for his/her illness, and that never helps.

According to the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI-MN), mental illness affects one out of every five American families. Unfortunately, it is also true that people often do not seek treatment because of the stigma related to this illness. Thus, even if you are never directly affected by a mental illness, chances are very good that you know someone who is, whether that person is a family member, friend, or coworker. How you respond to him/her (or yourself) will either increase or reduce this stigma.

What does help?

Be willing to talk about it -- take a "risk" and talk about your experiences with someone "safe." This goes for family members and friends, too.Try to listen without passing judgment.Accept the fact that you do not need to understand mental illness "perfectly" in order to accept the person living with it.Practice self-care. Know your limitations.Use appropriate language. For example, do not introduce yourself by your illness. Just as a person would not say, "I am heart disease," a person should also avoid saying, "I am bipolar." Stating that "I have bipolar disorder" is a subtle but powerful reminder that this illness is only one component of who you are -- it doesn't have to define you.Educate yourself on the subject as much as you can. Attend free presentations, like the NAMI "In Our Own Voice" event on May 25 at the Chaska Community Center.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, but in order to reduce stigma and help improve treatment opportunities and outcomes, it is critical that everyone increases his/her awareness every month, every day.

Telling someone to "Pull yourself up by the bootstraps" is counterproductive. Instead, create an accepting, supportive environment for your family member, friend, employee, coworker, etc, by looking for practical ways in which to help.

If you don't know what help a person might need, the best thing to do is simply ask.