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Prosser pauses after second youth suicide in 2015
Tri-City Herald (Kennewick, WA) - 11/15/2015
Nov. 15--When a Prosser High School senior committed suicide last month, Kimberly Starr said it was like losing her son all over again.
Tom Mears, 16, took his life in March. He and Molly Matsumura, 17, were classmates as far back as elementary school.
Though they had different circles of friends in high school, Molly had said he was the only kid who would share crayons with her and that she was his first crush and subsequent first heartbreak.
"It really shows how connected we are, doesn't it?" Starr said, holding a photo of Tom and Molly at a school party in the third grade.
Administrators, teachers and students took action after Tom's death to prevent future student suicides. Molly's death has led to renewed calls to increase opportunities for mental health training for staff, improve students' resilience and provide "safe havens" for them outside of school to help them work through problems.
But there are questions about the best way forward, such as what and how much the schools are able to do, what role the rest of the community should take and how to reach students who don't believe they have any other way to solve their problems
"We just need to work together," said Bruce Matsumura, Molly's father who also serves on Prosser School Board. "We have to quit believing it's somebody else's charge."
'My students held me up'
It wasn't long after Tom's death that the school board voted to set aside $20,000 and use about $8,000 in donations to hire two certified mental health counselors to trade off weekly visits to Prosser High and Housel Middle School.
The Prosser Community Involvement Action Committee organized training for school staff on the warning signs of suicide -- such as a preoccupation with death, giving away of possessions and substance abuse -- and aiding those in distress, including getting them to professional help.
Starr, a theater teacher at Prosser High, started noticing students showing more concern for each other in what she said was a culture shift. at the high school after her son's death.
Her son was not a popular kid, but you wouldn't have known that from the support she and her family received after his suicide, including a visit with her students in the days after while she was on bereavement leave, she said.
"My students held me up and I held them up," she said.
Bruce and Gail Matsumura have similarly been embraced by the community since Molly died, they said. Bruce Matsumura recalled shedding tears and hugging a friend during a chance encounter in the grocery store.
Recently a parent of one of Molly's friends stopped by and gave her parents a collection of multi-colored bracelets bearing Molly's and Tom's names, as well as the names of two other members of the Class of 2016 who died in car crashes -- Alejandra "Alex" Islas in 2012 and Yasmin Rivera in 2013. Students are selling the bracelets to raise money for a memorial for the four classmates.
'There are a lot of depressed kids'
Eight people under the age of 25 have died by suicide in 2015 in Benton and Franklin counties, up from four deaths in 2013 and five in 2014.
Studies indicate for every suicide death, 16 people attempt to kill themselves, according to the CDC. Rural communities such as Prosser tend to have higher suicide rates than bigger cities.
Teen suicide has myriad causes, said Kristi Haynes, a field coordinator for the Youth Suicide Prevention Program in Benton and Franklin counties.
8 People under 25 committed suicide this year in Benton and Franklin counties in 2015
There's pressure to perform in the classroom and on the playing field, the demands of fitting in and the never-ending presence of social media, which can contribute to bullying whether a student is at school or at home.
Social media also prevents teens from having to talk to people in-person, which makes it easier to be detached from what they say and how they connect with others, Superintendent Ray Tolcacher said.
Combine that with a lingering stigma about mental health issues and not necessarily having someone older and wiser they trust to help work through problems.
"There are a lot of depressed kids," Haynes said.
No perfect solution
The Matsumuras have had a lot of conversations about depression and suicide since their daughter died. Molly had suffered from some depression in the past, but her parents knew of no other problems she was facing, they said.
They say they will support any prevention efforts in the schools, but wonder how truly effective those efforts can be.
The district's approach is more akin to a checklist than a conversation, they said, potentially ignoring nuances of a student's behavior that doesn't perfectly fit definitions of depression or suicidal tendencies.
It also lacks a spiritual component, which the Matsumuras view as critical to overcoming depression.
"You have to have hope," Gail said.
Teenagers are naturally suspicious of authority figures, particularly those they believe are trying to build trust just to get information, the Matsumuras said. That leads students to either not respond or provide the answers they think the adult talking to them wants to hear.
"As a working-class parent, you can only take your child to so many counselors before you run out of money," Bruce Matsumura said.
When another former Prosser student took his life a few years ago, Starr asked her son if he'd ever considered suicide himself, she said. He said no.
Starr has twice contemplated suicide in her life -- once in high school and once as an adult, she said. Both times she was able to reach out to someone and talk her way out of it.
She doesn't understand why Tom didn't feel he could do the same, she said. He wrote that he'd contemplated taking his life for years. There was no evidence he suffered from bullying, but he wrote about an anxiety, what his mother said was "a darkness" that came to him at night.
"I thought I had a great relationship with my kid and I thought he told me everything," she said.
The mental health training hasn't attracted the participation hoped for, said senior Zebbie Castilleja, a student representative to the school board. The bureaucracy involved in hiring mental health interventionists meant they didn't start visiting schools until just after Molly's death, prompting anger from some students who asked why this resource was only then becoming available, he said.
And while Castilleja is happy the district is bringing in mental health experts to talk to students, he said it won't work for all students.
"We're not going to a counselor or a mental health professional if we're having issues," he said, adding that students are more likely to talk to other students about their problems.
District officials acknowledge that getting students the help they need doesn't immediately solve the problem.
"The hurt doesn't go away after that hour (meeting with a therapist)," Tolcacher told the Herald.
Looking for answers
Everyone, however, said the work to save students who are struggling must continue.
The district is working with Comprehensive Mental Health, a private nonprofit, to get even more resources such as additional staffing and training. Educational Service District 105 is also providing help when it comes to substance abuse issues, which can be a factor in suicide.
"I'm not putting my head in the sand. I know I have to keep finding an answer for my kids." Prosser Superintendent Ray Tolcacher
School officials also are considering how to teach teens how to cope and be resilient. Those are skills adults tend to take for granted, they said, as they have perspective and experience going through good and bad times. Students need safe places to talk about their problems without feeling judged and they need to be taught to talk about what's troubling them.
"You don't get to hit the home run or free throw every time," said Prosser High Principal Kevin Lusk.
Not requiring students to excel on the field or in the classroom should be a priority, the Matsumuras said. Students are required to have 22 credits to graduate from high school, leaving little room to recover if they fail a single class.
They also must pass specific standardized exams. Add athletic and extracurricular activities to make a college application shine -- and it's a lot of pressure to succeed.
"We're putting too much on them at way too young an age," said Gail Matsumura, who along with her husband wants to see the state reduce graduation requirements.
For Starr, part of the problem is students don't have the opportunity to talk about the issues they are struggling with.
She noted that Molly's death was announced during a morning class, along with information that counselors were available. After that, school continued as normal.
"You get this news and five minutes later you have to go back to being a student," she said, adding that it's not the fault of administrators but of the demands of a modern education system.
Haynes thinks the stigma of mental illness also needs to be eliminated, and that includes dismissing the notion that someone just needs to stay positive for depression to go away. Parents also need to be willing to talk candidly to their kids about suicide and let them know there is help.
"I think adults need to realize they need to slow down and ask questions," Haynes said.
Good may yet come
The awareness that arises when someone takes their life can be fleeting. Too often people want to relegate responsibility to specific institutions, such as the school district, or organizations when there's a call to action, the Matsumuras said.
"It will take a lot of people to have awareness and step forward and say, 'I can do that,'" Gail Matsumura said.
"It doesn't require a huge budget. What it requires is some time," Bruce Matsumura added.
Zebbie looks at his fellow students differently now since Tom and Molly died, he said. If someone knocks into him in the hallway in a huff or looks despondent, he makes an effort to reach out and he knows other students are starting to do the same.
"It's made us realize we could be a little more nice. We can say kind things," he said.
The Matsumuras and Starr believe something good may yet come out of the loss of their children. And while it's not common to hear stories about folks who chose not to take their own lives, Haynes said she knows those stories are out there.
Not long ago she heard from one Tri-City high school student who told her that the local crisis helpline saved her life three times one school year.
"Every survivor story has someone in it who saw them through it," Haynes said.
Ty Beaver: 509-582-1402; tbeaver@tricityherald.com; Twitter: @_tybeaver
How to get help and warning signs of suicide
Those in crisis and needing someone to talk to can call:
800-273-TALK (8255) or 866-4-U-TREVOR (8-87367)
Or text "START" to 741-741
Most youth contemplating suicide do not want to die. These are some of the signs to watch for if you think someone you know is at risk:
Previous suicide attempt
Speaking of suicide or making a plan
Strong wish to die or a preoccupation with death
Giving away prized possessions
Signs of depression, such as moodiness, hopelessness, withdrawal
Increased alcohol and/or other drug use
Hinting at not being around in the future or saying goodbye
The above warning signs are especially noteworthy if they come after the death of a friend or family member, a romantic breakup or conflict with parents or reports of suicides in the community. Those living isolated from others, known to be impulsive or with ready access to firearms are at particular risk.
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