Mother of high school football coach murderer talks mental illness and forgiveness in new book

Sept. 16--A little over six years after her son Mark walked into the weight room at Aplington-Parkersburg High School and gunned down head football coach Ed Thomas in front of students, Joan Becker is finally ready for the world to know how she and her family were able to move past that unimaginably tragic day.

"Every single one of us in life face storms at one time or another. And every one of us are unique in how we can manage these storms, and how we react," Becker said. "On June 24, 2009, our family faced a storm of horrific proportions,"

Tuesday night Becker spoke in front of a crowded auditorium at the Ames Public Library to give her family's side of the story. Her recent book, "Sentenced to Life: Mental Illness, Tragedy and Transformation," chronicles the events and struggles that led up to that tragic day, and her (and her family's) fight to help fix the mental health system.

According to Becker, her son was a happy and lively child, but that began to change once he reached high school. Around the age of 16, he began to withdraw and experiment with marijuana. It was at that time that Becker said that her son said the marijuana helped "things not be so noisy," which she said did not really register with her much at the time. But this was the catalyst to the issues Mark and his family would face for roughly the next five years

In a five-year span from 2004-09, Becker said her son enrolled in and started college three separate times, and held around 11 different jobs.

The Beckers tried getting their son the help he need on numerous occasions, and eventually he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

He lived with relatives, in mental health facilities, and was having progressively violent psychotic episodes. The emotional roller coaster lasted up until the morning he stepped foot in that weight room.

"All I remember is moaning over and over, 'We tried so hard. How could it come to this? This can't be happening,'" Becker said.

Mark was subsequently arrested in the driveway of the family's rural Parkersburg home, and eventually sentenced to life in prison. But the silver lining is that after all the time his family spent knocking on doors and trying to get answers, Mark is finally receiving the help he needs.

What her book details is the struggle of getting her son the help he needed, and how she felt the system failed her, Mark and the rest of her family.

"Too many doors were slammed in our face," Becker said. "Yes, I can blame myself until the day I die, my ignorance of the system, but I am not the only one. This is happening all over the place."

One organization Becker said she wished she had been made aware of before her son's trial is the National Allegiance on Mental Illness of Central Iowa.

"We begged for NAMI; we had no idea NAMI existed," Becker said. "That is what my husband and I were looking for to try and find some answers of what was happening in our son's life."

That is why Becker wrote the book, and why she has partnered with NAMI, so people in her situation can become educated on how to respond when someone suffers from a mental illness.

NAMI Central Iowa Program Director and Vice President Sue Ann Peck said that people like Becker, who are actively taking a stand to spread information, are what NAMI needs to draw attention to its mission.

"This is all that ever makes a change, to hear how real people are being affected by these situations," Peck said. "Until the public is aware of and cares about this topic, nothing really is going to change."

Becker said that there are a lot of reasons she wrote the book, none of which have to do with money. She paid for it to be published. The main reason she did it was because she had a message that she felt she, Mark, her family, and even the late Ed Thomas would want everyone to hear.

"I've gotten a sense of peace about all of those frustrations. There was a lot of anger and there was a lot of forgiveness that my husband and I and our family had to work through," Becker said. "I think part of it is that we knew Ed (Thomas) so well. We knew how he would want us to respond, and we wouldn't want us to sit back and wallow in self-pity. He'd want us to try and make good out of something very tragic."

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